I would rather write in my physical notebook right now so I can get deep and philosophical about my ramblings in an uncoded manner. But as it turns out I’m stark naked in the dark and this seems like the appropriate alternative.
Today like any other day has been a day unlike any other day but still a day in itself. Basically what I mean to say is the format was different, but the general mood was still sombre. I had some good time to myself. Went out to get some items to prepare my lunch and watched a lot of recap episodes of Gossip Girl. Nothing was rushed and despite me wanting to bury my head in sky high revision I decided not to.
You want to know why?
Because it was sunny, I looked so fucking cute, and I didnt have to dao anything or worry about anything or think about anyone and what they’re doing.
You know, I would love a new pair of shoes right now. Theres nothing that excites me more than when I open a box of brand new shoes and they’re just all packed away and shit. Its like opening up a gift. I need to go shopping in general, I’ve not treated myself in months and to be honest with commitments like college, home life, bills, and having a boyfriend, I have to be selfless with as little as I’ve been making nowadays, which is practically air but still better than nothing. So you can’t blame me for wanting to blow off all the build up frustrations with some good retail therapy. And with the lack of a social life - which to be fair might actually be a good thing cause exams are drawing nearer - it wouldn’t do me any harm.
But commitments are commitments.
Responsibilities are responsibilities.
Kill me now.
I had a good run with my brothers when picking them up today. It felt good and fun and I was genuinely happy. I just liked the fresh air and everything sort of just clicked at that moment in time. I seem to slip in and out of a sombre state nowadays. Ah well, toast to tomorrow.
And I’m mad.
Little things have just moulded into a ball of irritation.
My priorities are going to be altered.
This is me.
Seething Yet Calm